Friday, January 13, 2012

To be or not to be... that was the question...

Yes, I realize it's been a long time since I've blogged anything. What I'm blogging about today doesn't even pertain to food or nutrition or anything of the sort. But that's okay, bc well, it's my blog. ;)

As many of you know, I have been deeply wrestling with the idea of making a go at photography or just walking away from it altogether (as a business, that is). Quite honestly, I never imagined myself in this position to begin with. I don't have a romance story with my camera, we don't go way back, for crying out loud I never even used my point and shoot camera very often a year ago. Yet here I am, wondering if this is what God has for me right now.

I mean, let's just be real here: photographer's are a dime a dozen these days, with digital photography and photo editing making the process more accessible for the average Joe. Gone are the days of having to have a dark room to process your pictures. You can just pick up your DSLR, snap away, and have great photos, right?

But, it's really not that simple. Running a camera in manual mode, balancing exposure, learning about light (natural and studio), and getting the hang of composition isn't as easy as one might think. It's mechanics, art, and emotion all rolled into one. Any one of those on their own are insufficient. No one will ever know all there is to know about photography in general. No one will ever "arrive" or stop growing. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder - a photograph that one person loves, another person will find boring. We are uniquely and wonderfully made and all feel drawn to something different.

This is why I'm not going to give up. This is what I'm going to remind myself when I get impatient with my mistakes and lack of skills. This is what I will say to myself so that I cut myself a little slack now and then.

Because how ridiculous would it sound to say, "Well, I won't sing bc someone else I know already does." Or, "I'm not going to paint and draw bc there's already alot of people who do it." That seems absurd, right?!?! And if we were all honest with ourselves, we would remember the wise words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:9 "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." There is no composition in photography that hasn't already been done somewhere, by someone. What makes the photography unique is the people in it, or the opportunity to view something from someone else's mind's eye. What makes photography worth it is the people you touch with the pictures you take. It doesn't have to be everyone.

All of this is what I had to come to terms with, in myself. To take it just as it is right now, and let God develop something in me as He chooses. Because although there is nothing new under the sun, I do know that there has never been, nor will ever be another me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a Creator that can do far above what I can think or imagine. I alone am nothing special. But me with Him working in me and through me can accomplish things I wouldn't have on my own. Who am I to say He couldn't use measly 'ol me, with my limited knowledge and character flaws, to serve someone with the gifts He's given me?

Maybe in the long run, photography won't be my lifelong career. Maybe I'll give it a shot and it will fizzle away eventually. I'm okay with that. It's not really about the photography itself, it's about the process. It's about what I'll learn during whatever season I'm in. How awesome that God would love me enough to teach me!

For now, here I am. I'm pushing my fears and doubts aside, and I'm going to stop comparing myself to everyone else and thinking I don't measure up. I know I will grow and develop my skills. I know practice and success and failure are going to teach me alot. And when I think about what photography means to me, right now, I think about REALITY. I want to photograph real people, with real lives, doing whatever it is they do. I want to capture who they are, their personalities. I especially want to explore more food photography and grow in that area. I also really love landscape and still-life photographs.

I'm so thankful for all the support and encouragement I've gotten from friends and family. Especially to those of you who have put up with me verbalizing my frustrations and reservations about it all! ;) Be patient with me as I get the business side of it worked out - a website, info on prices, etc.

So, there ya have it. That's why I'm here. Hope to have the opportunity to work with all of you in the future. :)